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When the Little Things Make You Scream

Why is it always the little things?

The small minor things that makes us- well, me- ab.so.lutely. lose it? And when I lose it, I yell. THAT is my coping mechanism. And let me tell you, I have mastered that art quite well.

It’s always so crazy to me how I handle the big stuff really well. The big life events that would make anyone lose their mind, I walk through with grace + poise. Then those little things, those simple life nuisances I do not handle very gracefully. Like at all.

Such as, spilling my coffee on my leg while driving, the toothpaste mirror splatter that seems to never go away or the dishwasher rack not sliding in properly, |or| at dinner time when everyone needs you & everyone is getting boo-boos and all you need is some canned black beans out of the cabinet & when you open said door, the entire bottle of Texas Pete hot sauce shatters all over your kitchen tile…

I’ve always heard don’t cry over spilled milk; but what about crying over hot sauce? Is that allowed??

That’s when I lose it.

Just like that shattered Texas Pete bottle. I break.

I yell.

I |instantly| get overwhelmed by all the wants + needs of all the tiny humans DEPENDING on me in that very moment. Overwhelmed by all that NEEDS to be done, that “has to” get done, that in fact- won’t get done.

It’s in that moment that I in fact do cry over spilled hot sauce.

It takes a few moments but I soon realize that in all that frustration, the hot sauce is so minor. It’s the noise that is stressing me out. The demands and needs that I know exist but I’m not able to meet at that moment. That leave me feelling inept & inadequate. Those feelings manifest into sheer frustration at the simplest things causing me to {unfortunately} yell. Because if that hot sauce had broken with me in the kitchen all alone, most likely it would have be no big deal.

I find that I get so frustrated at the kids for being “annoying” and loud. When most of the time it’s because I have been ignoring them. Albeit for the right reasons sometimes, either way, they have been ignored. Leaving them in dire need of my love and attention because, well, they are children!

READ: PLEASE- Just Go To Sleep

This is something that I am gently being reminded of in this amazing book; Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids ; How to stop yelling & start connecting”. It is such an eye-opening read.

It’s speaks to connecting to the kids instead of yelling.

I know this may seem a little snowflaky. But for me, someone who wasn’t equipped with the healthiest life tools, this approach is exactly what I need. Coming from a place of compassion AND connection does WAY more for this momma + her tribe then yelling ever does.

[Even though yelling gives me a false sense of powerful peace of mind that I getting through to them, studies have shown it’s actually quite harmful for children’s developing minds.]

I say this but please know that this concept is SUCH a practice and in this case, practice makes better- never perfect.

Another great part of this book is acknowledging your own hurts.

As a parent I forget that sometimes the reason something bothers me so much is that there is a behavior that I see in myself that the kids are doing that brings me back to a place or piece of me that I haven’t worked through all the way yet.

This book reminds me to acknowledge that part of myself and heal it, so I can be a better parent. Yes, kids will be kids and it is my job to make sure they don’t grow up to be A-holes but I have to remember that I am also our kid’s safe space and just as much as I need a place to work through my own “growing up” I need to give them the opportunity to have that same space.

So when the poo hits the fan and I can remember to pause and reconnect to the tiny little versions of myself, things go so much better. In those moments when I am able to practice this I not only create a calmer environment but I get to foster that emotional intelligence that will create healthy mental pathways that will benefit them into adulthood.

The suggestions from this book, do so much for them but probably even more for me!

If you struggle with yelling or just want to improve or expand your parenting skills I HIGHLY recommend checking out this book.

Even if you had the perfect childhood or feel like you are rocking this parenting gig {which you are!}, this book gives a lot of great insight on how the little brains work differently.

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  1. Very nice blog! Yelling is the default for so many these days. Proud of you for starting the journey to “better” not perfect! Keep it up – I’ll keep reading!

  2. One of the most common ways to get a child’s attention is to yell. Lord knows. It’s a competition of loudness…which parents win by default…factor in a little shock value and there you have it. The battle begins …the hot sauce breaking probably silenced the table and widened the eyes lol…fear..of…what might happen if mom loses it 🤣

  3. Wow this was very eye-opening! When I lose my patience with one of my kids, I always see a bit of myself in their mistakes. And I have to remind myself to give them grace the same way I expect grace to be given to me! Yeah let me go get that book! Lol

    • Yesss. Right it’s almost always because I see myself in them! Lol I’m like be better than me kid ! Haha. The book is incredibly helpful…as long as i practice what it suggests! Lol

  4. Oh I so enjoyed this! Looks like a great book. I can relate to the frustration when the dishwasher rack won’t go back in, or something else stupid isn’t fitting where it should. I appreciate your honesty <3 Also, I really like your use of the word "snowflaky" and now feel like I have to work that into a sentence in the coming days 😉

  5. I had to learn this a while ago but it is something I wish I knew when I first became a mom. After your third, you definitely start choosing your battles or it feels like you are always upset.

  6. This is such a great reminder, thank you mama! It’s easy to let the little things get to us, especially when we’re at home all the time

  7. My day yesterday…dropped a large glass jar of coconut oil on my big toe to start the marooning off, by the afternoon I had managed to dump an entire glass of water onto the kitchen floor, then to top it off the olive oil glass bottle fell from the cabinet and onto the floor and everywhere. I yelled yesterday too. Then apologized to the kids and decided to take a breather today. That helps. Love your resources though because those help too! I will have to check out your recent book. Loved Whole Brain Child by the way and how it connected me back to my childhood and parenting styles. Good stuff! All the best mama!

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